A few years ago when my niece Haley died of Sudden Infant Death syndrome, I learned a valuable and lasting lesson. I learned that life is about connecting with people and even when someone passes away that does not mean this sense of connection has to end. The lesson that Haley taught me has forever affected my work as a social worker and bereavement counselor helping families affected by loss. It also inspired the creation of Comfort Candles, this internet based company that my sister and I founded which offers special gifts of caring to comfort those who are grieving or facing other life challenges. Unfortunately, in our contemporary culture the subject of death seems to be taboo. There are very few ways we have to acknowledge death, memorialize loved ones and express caring to those close to us who have experienced a loss. Not knowing what to do or say, people are fearful of making a “mistake” so they avoid the situation altogether. Others stay away because they don’t want to impose and feel that grieving is a personal process. Whatever the reasons or intentions, the painful consequence of all this avoidance is that people coping with grief, often feel, afraid, hopeless and alone. And it is this sense of disconnection that creates a barrier to healing. In my professional role as a grievance counselor I have worked to bring the subject of death out in the open. In doing so, I have helped grieving families come to realize, just as Haley taught me, that healing comes not from forgetting but from remembering. It is by acknowledging, honoring and celebrating our loved ones and the special memories we share that our hearts can begin to heal and we can feel at peace. Thus, the idea for Comfort Candles was born. Inspired by Haley’s memory and our desire to help others, my sister and I decided to create a company that offers special gifts of caring to those affected by loss and other life challenges. We chose candles because of the simple, yet powerful, effect they have in creating a sense of peace and sanctuary. One of the candle packages we offer is the Memorial Candle™, which is designed to bring comfort to those who are grieving and to honor the memory of loved ones in their life. Lighting the Memorial Candle at times of personal reflection or in the presence of family and friends during special holiday gatherings provides the opportunity to remember the person and celebrate the wonderful times spent together. Whether a recent death or a loss from years ago, this ritual of remembrance facilitates the healing process as it allows people to acknowledge their feelings and creates a sense of connection with those who love and support them. It is this lasting and important sense of connection that allows healing to begin. My sister and I know that Haley is with us every step of the way as her light continues to shine in our hearts and in the work we do. “May the light of memory bring comfort.”
